My wife’s phone rang a few weeks ago and it was our oldest son. He wanted her to go ring shopping with him because he was ready to propose to his girlfriend. Of course, my wife was ready to go right then and there – apparently this is one of those moments all moms of boys can’t wait to be a part of. After a couple of trips to the jewelers, he finally had the ring and had a plan worked out with his future in-laws to propose on the beach, and from what I’ve heard, it went according to plan!
Earlier in the day yesterday, I sent him a text about something completely unrelated. Once he responded, he came back with ‘We’re heading to dinner now. The plan is in motion’. I know you can’t tell emotion via text, but you could sense a little bit of nervousness and a whole lot of excitement. He found his person and was about to make it official.
My head has been spinning the past couple of weeks. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about life, especially my son’s, thinking back to the day we found out my wife was pregnant, sitting on the floor of our first house a little teary eyed and in awe of what that pregnancy test was telling us. I was going to be a Dad and all I could do was lean on what I learned from my own and hoped to write a few new chapters on the subject myself.
I started remembering all the ‘moments’. Strapping him in his first car seat and struggling to pay attention to the road while trying to listen for his grunts and sounds that newborns make. I wanted to make sure he was safe because for the next however many years, he was mine to take care of. He was mine to protect. He was mine to take to the ER when he broke his arm and when he got his first goal playing soccer. He was mine when he learned how to ride a bike and when he would spin his finger in the air pretending to mimic a drive train you see on all large trucks. He was the one who made me fascinated with the world again. He was the one I hated to leave at pre-school or see him get so upset during those stupid school programs. He was the one that constantly had me laughing. He was my mowing buddy, walking along side me with his toy mower as I pushed the real mower around the yard.
As he grew up, some of that closeness became distance. He was an outgoing kid, unlike his introverted father. He was always up for an adventure and rarely took no for an answer. He approached everything with gusto from finding a way to make his truck sound louder to trying to ride a john boat down a creek in the middle of a heavy rain storm. He wake boarded, skied, and lived every minute of every day. And as often happens, he didn’t need his dad as much any more. But that’s all part of life.
When I found out he was dating and it was getting serious, I tried to offer some advice here and there, but I found out a while back not everyone wants advice unless they ask for it, so I just tried to sit back and enjoy his happiness as I watched a side of him I had never seen before. He wasn’t the constantly on the go person anymore. Don’t get me wrong, he still has a lot of energy, but it’s been interesting seeing him balance fun and responsibility. He started understanding that a weekend didn’t have to be filled with getting out on the lake, and could sometimes be just as fulfilling to spend the afternoon at the pool playing fetch with his dogs. And his dogs, I have to say, are like his kids. He’s got such a soft heart for each of them. He also figured out that if you’re with the right person, you have all that you need.
He still loves his mom…that’s evident. And I know to a degree, it’s tough for mom to give him up to another woman. I keep thinking of that song ‘I loved her first’, the song written by a dad about his daughter on her wedding day. My wife and son have always had a special bond going back to the hours they spent napping on the couch when he was little, to when she spent a couple of nights in the hospital room with him because she didn’t want him to be alone, to when he face timed her to let her know his now fiancé said ‘yes’! I’m reminded of a song by Jason Isbell, and for those who don’t know, I’m a big fan of song lyrics and can find ways to fit them into life just about anywhere.
“Being your daddy comes natural. Roses just know how to grow. It’s easy to see you’ll get where you’re going. The hard part is letting you go.”
Substitute mommy for daddy, and the same holds true.
There’s one more line I think is fitting.
“The best I can do is to let myself trust that you know who’ll be strong enough to carry your heart.”
So last night, on a beach in Destin, a young man got down on one knee and asked his girlfriend to become his wife and she said yes, writing the first line of a new chapter in the book of their lives. How great does that sound?
Much love, Connor and Riley…here’s to forever, the two of you side by side
Random Thoughts of an Ordinary Average Guy 