It’s the day before my birthday, and I decided to take a couple of days off work just because. I remember the talk back in the day of ‘sharpening the sword’ and taking time to reenergize. I can’t say that’s what I’m doing with these days, but I figure sometimes, you just have to say “I’m out”, even if only for a couple of days.

I don’t have any plans per say for today or tomorrow. Then again, I don’t think I ever really have a plan for much of anything. My Dad was such a stickler for having a plan. Much like his math gene, that part of him did not rub off on me. I realize more often than not that I’ve been one that just rolled with the punches and made things work. I dated a girl in college who had five year plans set up, and considering we’re not together, you can see I was not part of that next five year plan. I know they’re good to have, but I guess I just always saw it as what happens if the plan doesn’t work? I grew up catholic with a Mom and teachers who used catholic guilt as a weapon that has stuck with me for years. I have always been a ‘what if?’ person, both positive and negative, but I’d like to think I struck some kind of balance there between having a plan and worrying if it doesn’t work out. Roll with the punches, right? I quote Rocky Balboa very loosely because I don’t want to look the quote up, but ‘It’s not about how often life knocks you down, it’s how many times you get back up’, or something like that. Regardless, the plans for today and tomorrow are strictly TBD. I was sitting here this morning at the kitchen table, enjoying my coffee and scrolling through my phone and decided to dig into my Spotify ‘liked songs’ and hit shuffle. Just listening to the lyrics in these songs prompted me to take my laptop from the office downstairs and see if I can share some random thoughts this morning.

Let’s talk music since that’s in the background as I type. The current selection is from a band that opened for Tim McGraw called the ‘Heartwreckers’. It’s a song called ‘Shut up and drink’. Don’t be fooled by the title. The song is about a guy who has been strung along by his girl and is drinking with his buddy, who is desperately telling him to quit thinking and talking about her, shut up….and drink. As usual with me, a song takes me back to when a buddy broke up with his girlfriend and he did not take it well, which was always odd to me considering he was known for just letting things roll off his back. I remember that night pretty vividly simply because after a while, his drunken Canadian Mist binge became comical as he told ‘the guys’ how much he loved us. We love you too, buddy!

On that note, this fall, that same friend and I reunited with another buddy who was there that same night. We had lost touch after high school, beyond the occasional run in – a bachelor party, if I’m not mistaken. I made the trek across country (well, deep into the heart of eastern Kansas at least) to meet up with said friends. We were all a little older, a little heavier, with a little less hair and lots of new history to share with eachother. They say the sign of a true friendship is every time you see someone, even if it’s been years, it’s like you picked up where you left off. I laugh because Spotify just started playing Rush’s ‘Time Stand Still’. Freeze this moment a little bit longer. I was so glad I didn’t pull my usual and talk myself out of meeting up with these guys. I’m grateful for the years of friendship with these two, from the halls of high school to ‘working’ in the warehouse (if you consider playing stickball and lighting isopropyl alcohol ‘working’), to sharing a few cold ones at our buddy’s property. I’m pretty sure the goal was to have us make a weekend out of it, but as usual, life got in the way, but I don’t see that meeting as a one and done. We will see eachother again, laugh, drink, and carry on this lifelong friendship.

I was tempted to say something about our current political climate and the state of our country, but I think I’ll just say I wish things were different and I hope we can all find a way to make it that way, whatever that means. I’ve always said let’s quit acting as Republicans and Democrats, and give trying to act as Americans a chance, but that divide just seems to be getting wider and wider. That won’t keep me from trying. I’ve leave it at that.

Back to the music. The current selection is by Muscadine Bloodline called ‘Daffodils’. I love how song lyrics can paint a picture. In this case, a guy who is less than great and his girlfriend who constantly wonders if he’ll stick around. “Darlin’ quit picking petals off of daffodils, girl I love you and I always will’.

My middle son is getting married in a few months. My oldest married almost a year ago. My youngest is living in my basement, but he has a job and isn’t close to approaching thirty yet. I was wandering the isles of Walmart a couple of years ago and came across one of those books that is meant for you to fill out so one day, after you’re gone, maybe your kids find it and read what you wrote. It covers everything from growing up and earliest memories, to love and heartbreak, to adulting, to what legacy you want to leave. As my Mom ages and slows down more and more, I find myself wishing I had a book like that to have her fill out, and really wish I would have found that before I lost my Dad. I do hope my kids have positive feelings about me and see me as someone who might have effed up a lot in raising them, but I never stopped loving them, even when we had moments where I wondered if jail time was worth it. My oldest isn’t real sentimental, so I’m not sure such my memoirs would have much of an impact on him and that’s fine. That’s what makes him unique. I’m sure in his way, he’d make it mean something. My middle son would likely read it and say things like ‘I remember when Dad talked about that’. We’ve had our moments, but have also had a few deep conversations. My youngest will probably take it most heart, but will keep it inside, which is also just fine. We have what I would call a pretty good, straight forward relationship. I just want my kids to believe in God and themselves. If I’ve learned anything in my years, having faith and trusting God will take you a long way. My kind of faith isn’t for everyone, and I get that. I’ll never push my beliefs on anyone, but like it or not, you’re in my prayers regardless if you think it makes a difference or not. Yup, I said it. I’m also thrilled that two of the three have found their perfect persons. My oldest and his wife are something I never thought I see from him. He was always on the go, no time for girlfriends until he found the one that flipped that switch that said life with this person is a thousand times better without her. Same for my middle son. He wasn’t a big dater, but with his fiancé, he is showing aspects that make me so proud. Both show a fierce love for their significant others. I couldn’t ask for more.

Back to the music. Riley Green’s ‘I wish Grandpa’s never died’ just played. My six degrees of separation goes back to being outside the Florabama hearing a wanna be country singer sitting under a tent and singing his songs. I bought a CD and he even shared a jar of moonshine with me. I saw him in concert late last year. He did not disappoint. I’m not a pop or bro country fan, but Riley hit all on cylinders, getting the crowd on their feet to fighting back tears. It’s moments like that where I regret being too afraid of the nuns that taught piano when I was a kid. Music has always been a great outlet for me, even though I think I can sort of play only two chords.

Now let’s talk about my vast variety of music. From Riley Green, we jump to N.W.A., then Rush again, and now Merle Haggard. My wife has always called me a music snob because I’m a little set in my ways of what I like. Guitar, drums, bass, maybe a harmonica, sax, fiddle, or keyboard, with no extreme emphasis on any of those. Just a balance where I know within the first few seconds if I’ll like the song or not. Now I do have N.W.A., Run DMC, and Kool Moe Dee in my liked songs, and there’s no fiddle happening with them, but each song holds a memory. That’s the beauty of music.

Now Cross Canadian Ragweed’s ‘Sick and Tired’, a song about a woman in a bad relationship and trying to get up the nerve to leave. “Memories are overrated, all they do is get you down and frustrated and who needs that on their back? Starting over, cold turkey, washing your soul of everything that’s dirty, seal your heart of every crack. You’re no longer sick and tired. Everything around you feels brand new. The days fly by, the nights could be longer. Every day, you’re just a little bit stronger.” I know I talk a lot about memories, but you have to choose which memories to carry with you.

“And I feel like picking a fight with anyone who says they’re right. The preacher man, the politician, and all the critics and the things they write.” The Rainmakers ‘Reckoning Day’. Just thought I’d throw that out there.

This is getting wordy. I guess I’ve been holding a lot in…

Back to my Mom. 90 years old, dementia, but still living at home with help. It’s hard because the care is expensive, but necessary for her safety. She wants to have a ‘happy, holy death’ in her house like my Dad did. I want to move her over to memory care where he little sister lives, but I’m constantly torn because she seems to be okay at home, and if you haven’t visited a memory care recently, they’re depressing. I’m sure there’s more to it that that, but it sucks to see those who were once strong now unable to get up out of a wheelchair without help. There is a Korean war vet at this place. My Dad was a Marine during the Korean War, and the other man I considered my surrogate Dad for many years was a Marine during Vietnam. I think of them when I see this guy. Withered and worn by the years, but the stories they could tell. Stories no one under the age of fifty today would ever fully grasp. Life before TV, cell phones, and video games. A time where, as they say, ‘men were men’. I like to think those men were men because they had strong women who let them go off to war while they held down the fort at home. I think of my Grandmas, both of them. One raising only two kids, but was married to a fireman who was gone for days at a time. She fought cancer multiple times and won. The other raised ten kids with an alcoholic and not so nice husband. Strong women make the world go round.

Back to Mom, again…. When my Dad started to turn that corner, I found myself thinking a lot about what I might say at his funeral. Morbid, maybe, but I think it was more of an exercise to be ready for a life without him, if that’s possible. I’ve been doing the same when it comes to Mom. Keep in mind I’m the same guy that worked on my father of the groom speech for my oldest son’s wedding for months, and am doing the same with my speech for my middle boy. Problem is, Mom didn’t have the experiences Dad did. She blended into the background for the most part, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I saw in her yearbook that her aspiration was to be a pediatric nurse, but she’ll tell you she just said that because that’s what she wanted to be, but was too dumb to ever make it come true. That’s one thing I’ve learned about Mom over the past few years. She thrives with compliments, even though she’s quick to brush them off because she’s humble too. I’ve come to the conclusion that despite how often we butted heads over my lifetime, she’s had one goal in life, and that is to care for her family and love anyone who she comes across. I laugh because a nurse practitioner was leaving the room after a follow up and she said ‘I love you’. He looked shocked and just replied, “Well I don’t know you well enough to reply to that, but thank you.”, and walked out of the room. Where many lose their filter when they get older and say things they should probably keep to themselves, Mom isn’t hesitant at all to let you know you’re loved. “I love people” is something I’d consider putting on her gravestone.

Restless Heart’s ‘I’ll Still be Loving You’ is playing now. That takes me back to my wedding day where a couple of friends collaborated on guitar and vocals to make that song something special.

More random thoughts. ‘Hold Hearted’ by Extreme is playing now. Mystery Date, probably 1990. The band took a break, and somehow, after a few drinks of liquid courage, myself and another guy ended up on stage singing this song while a great musician and friend played guitar. I’m sure that impromptu karaoke session probably had more people laughing at how bad we likely sang, but for that brief period of time, we were rock stars!

I’m all over the place with this and hence why the ‘blog’, if that’s still a term, is called ‘Random Thoughts of an Ordinary Average guy’. If you remember the title to this post, yes, it’s another song by another band on my liked list. “I’ve spent too much of my life waiting, hoping, dreaming, wishing, believing, and way too little it of it living – there is no romance”. I hold on to those lyrics quite a bit. Back to my kids, I’m glad to see they’re not only doing all of those things, they’re also living!

One thing about my writing is that it’s in the moment, sharing what is going on in my head at the moment, which can be beneficial or completely useless to anyone but me. I don’t take a lot of time, if any time, to really plan out (there’s that lack of plan thing again) what I want to say. I just get motivated and inspired from time to time. I also don’t spell check or edit after writing. I like it better when it comes out like it was meant to. Raw and real. This morning’s inspiration was this; a quiet house, a cup of coffee, my favorites playing in the background (Ambrosia is playing now…yacht rock at it’s finest), and some random thoughts on a scheduled day off from work before I complete another trip around the sun.

My middle boy is off today, and has invited me over for one of his homemade pizzas for lunch. How can I turn that down? By the way, intermittent fasting and staying in calorie deficit works, but there’s always room for pizza.

If you’ve read this far, I’m sorry you’ll never get that time back, but I hope you found it interesting enough. You read this far, right? Have a good day. Keep it between the lines, and in the words of Webb Wilder, work hard, rock hard, eat hard, sleep hard, grow big and wear glasses if you need ’em. I’m sure somewhere in there is something inspirational in that credo for everyone, even if I am not sure what that is. Yep, random….